Humor

The haggis season has begun
and all over Scotland every gun
Is taken down with loving care
Though some prefer the haggis snare
The haggis are a wiley lot
That’s why they are so seldom shot

Then hidden in the highland heather
Great hairy Clansmen crouch together
And having laid the haggis bait,
a life-like haggis on a plate,
One cries out loudly: ’There’s the noo'
Which means the haggis are in view

It’s flying upside down and low
The guns all fore but they’re too slow
For thought it’s rather old and fat
They’re awful hard to hit like that

And as it flies off into the mist
Great hairy clansmen shake their fists
Scream their curseds to the crags
Stamp on empty haggis bags
And so the haggis get away
to live until next Christmas day
'`Come back haggis'’

And that’s the reason it is so rare
This strange traditional Scottish fare

We’re that haggis hi hooray
It’s hog’manay not Christmas day

…..asked me how the haggis were hunted so I explained that there were two types of haggis, who, because they lived on the steep slopes of the Scottish Highlands, developed legs of different lengths on their left and right sides depending upon which way they travelled round the mountain to graze. With the knowledge of which type of haggis one was hunting, the procedure was quite simple.

A large `catch fence' was erected around the base of the mountain and a piper was sent up the mountain to play his bagpipes while walking contrary to the normal direction of rotation of the haggis. This put the fear of G*d in to the wee creatures who tried to run away, but of course their short legs were now down-hill so they soon overbalanced and rolled down the mountain into the catch fence at the base where they were then easily caught and euthanized.